Name’s Ferd. I work for the University. Job title is Extension Specialist. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. Been driving all day (left home at 6:15 a.m.) and into the night (from Manteo to Murphy). Tired, dirty, sweaty. Guard dog ripped my pants. Been ignored by Receptionists, Plant Managers, and Waitresses. Got mud on my shoes; had to pump my own gas, and spilled gravy on my best tie.

Speaking of gas - got indigestion. Had over-cooked lard-fried eggs, burned toast, re-boiled coffee, and a slow waitress at a fast-food restaurant for breakfast; hamburger helper and grits for lunch; and cold chicken potpie for supper at a truck stop. It’s all sittin’ right here - like a rock.

You should have seen the rest room! I “rested” in there only as long as absolutely necessary. Was afraid to touch a thing - even myself! Found out, at an inappropriate time, they were out of bathroom stationery. But, Extension Specialists are resourceful. On top of that, when I stopped to get gas early this morning at the State DOT facility, got out of the car, left the engine running and slammed the door. Door locked — motor still running, and me standing there with my face hanging out and, no extra key! Lordy!

Was 35 miles from home when I discovered I didn’t have any money. Left it at home in my other pants. Could have taken valuable time to go back home, but figured my status as University Faculty would carry me through this small emergency. I got to learn how to re-figure. Restaurant manager made an issue of it in front of other customers — made me leave my wedding band as collateral (that’s about the only thing that is really mine).

Started to get uncomfortably warm in the car about 9 a.m. Turned on the AC—wouldn’t work. By 11 a.m. it was in the 90’s outside, don’t know what it was in the car—off the scale, I reckon. Kept all the windows open, even when I got behind a line of diesel trucks carrying pigs, chickens and turkeys to market. Couldn’t pass. Darn these two-lane country roads, anyway! Couldn’t be late for my next appointment. Ever try pickin’ pinfeathers out of your teeth? How do you spell relief? Understand we have the largest turkey operation in the world, and more pigs than citizens of our fine state. Got a whole lot of turkeys, too, if you know what I mean.

Have you seen those double-decker trailers designed for carrying hogs to market? Lots of holes in the sides - made for ventilation. Hogs know this. Must have been fifty hogs in the one I saw; and fifty snouts sticking out. It’s pretty bad when even a hog can’t stand it. A better question is have you ever gotten behind one in traffic? Not for long, I bet.